I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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