I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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