And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
