From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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