Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
