he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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