1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
