It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
