The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize