Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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