have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
