Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
