I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
