sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
