Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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