i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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