Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
