Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you had me at cake vodka
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I love you. Go after that dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize