I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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