I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
