There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
