I'm jealous of your bromance
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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