I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm getting married
To pizza
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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