I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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