So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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