Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
