I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize