you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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