We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
