i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
