Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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