she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
