i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
