We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
