some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
