Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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