He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
