Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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