The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
