Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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