yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
