I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
