The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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