you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
