quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
