just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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