Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
