if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
