i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
