I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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