I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
