She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
