girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
