we made out on top of his cat.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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