R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
