There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
