I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
