I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
