Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
