I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
