So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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