I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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