instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
