whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
