Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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