I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
