You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
