did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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