AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
