apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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